TIM: Ooh!
Ooh!
TIM: Aw!
[laughs]
Eee!
[phone ringing]
Ah, ah, ah.
Ow.
Hello.
Hi. Hi.
- Eh. - Yeah.
No, no. I was just--
Eh.
I'm-- I'm just-- you know, just hanging out.
Argh.
Stop it!
Uh, no, it's-- nobody, nobody.
Um, yeah.
Today? All right, yeah.
OK.
Well, I'll, uh-- I'll see you later.
Bye.
That was Sarah.
She wants to see me today.
I wonder what that's all about.
I don't know.
Maybe she wants her CD player back.
Whew.
Maybe she's getting married.
Ooh.
Maybe she's pregnant.
Ah!
[MUSIC - FUZZ TOWNSHEND, "TEST CARD"]
So what's the attraction of this then?
What?
Skateboarding.
- What do you mean?- Well, why do you do it?
Well, because it's quicker than walking.
It's easy.
Daisy!
I'm kind of busy at the moment.
Have you seen mychocolate beanie anywhere?
Well, I was just asking.
Yeah, well, the only woman in my life
I've ever cared about who isn't computer
generated or a fictionalFBI agent has just phoned up
and asked to see me.
You've picked a really weird time
to take a spontaneousinterest in my travel habits.
Thanks. - All right.
Don't get upset.
You hate skateboarding anyway.
You're always saying it'schildish, which really
pisses me off because it's not.
[ska music playing]
All right. Calm down.
I am calm.
I thought you were gonna takeme to the ICA to see "Akira."
Yeah, well, you know, we'll watch it on video.
What was all that stuff youwere saying about you've got
to see it on the big screen?
Well, we'll just sit close to the telly.
Yeah, well, take care of yourself.
Thank you.
I guess that's whatyou're best at, isn't it?
[humming]
Ooh!
[MUSIC - TEO USUELLI, "PIACERE SEQUENCE"]
So, uh, how's it going?
Tim, I've split up with Duane.
What are you telling me for?
[mystical whoosh]
Daddy cool.
[chuckles] Ow.
Hi. - Hi.
Should we go in? OK.
Ah!
Can you believe it?
He's actually going out to meet her.
So?I see all of my ex-boyfriends.
I see my ex-girlfriends--well, not so much see as watch.
You never know.
They might get back together.
That-- that-- that's whatshe wants him to think.
All she's going to do islook really good, you know,
to remind him of how much helikes her and say things like,
I'm just-- I'm really confused.
What kind of creature does that
and knowingly tortures someonejust to satisfy her own vanity?
[creepy music playing]
So, what are you doing today, Brian?
Going to an exhibitionlater, Tunde Aragundade's White
Paintings of the 20th Century.
Sounds riveting.
Isn't he the one whodoes the white paintings?
Yeah.
And he wears cheesecloth shirts.
I know who you mean.
Do you wanna come?
Well-- well, the thing is, I can't really
walk in these heels.
They're more for sitting down than moving around.
Oh, OK.
I'll pop back later if you change your shoes.
Bye.
Did Brian just ask you out?
No.
Yes he did.
No, he didn't.
[DEEP VOICE] Yes, he did.
Don't be silly.
[GROWLING VOICE] Yes, he did.
[SQUEAKY VOICE] Did he?
[indistinct chatter]
So, uh, how's it going?
Tim, I've split up with Duane.
[MUSIC - FANTASTIC PLASTIC MACHINE, "S'IL VOUS PLAIT"]
Hey!
Wah!
Uh, how did it go?
Pretty good.
Pretty good?
Yep.
She split up with Duane.
- Right. - Yeah.
She said she was feeling a little bit confused.
But, basically, I think she wants me back.
We're going to meet at theBell later on, talk at length.
Right.
Yes.
And I've got a funnyfeeling she's going to want
me to move back in with her.
[alarm blaring]
What was that?
That was our new doorbell.
I brought it back from the shop.
It was going to be a surprise.
It was a surprise.
Good.
What do you mean, you'vegot a funny feeling?
But I just know, you know?
I can read her like a book.
Don't judge a book by its cover.
He who dares, wins.
Look before you leap.
Do you believe in life after love?
- That's a song. - Shit.
How do you know she's notjust going to, you know,
change her mind and dump you again?
[alarm blaring]
That's the doorbell again.
- Well, go on then. - All right.
[ominous music playing]
It's Mike.
Um, got to take him for his reevaluation.
Hello, Daisy.
Look, Tim, I really thinkwe should talk about this.
Did I ever tell you how Mike and myself
became such good friends?
That's quite an interestingstory, actually.
Um, it happened when we were children, a long,
long time ago.
[pensive music playing]
DAISY: Tim.
Tim. Tim!
What?
I can't believe you want to move out.
I don't want to--
I don't want to move out from you.
I just want to move in with her.
I don't understand.
What is your problem?
I thought you'd be happy for me.
[SARCASTICALLY] Oh, I am.
Yes, I am.
It's what I want, Daisy.
You must have things you want.
You're always going onabout wanting to go to Asia
and see the Taj Mahal.
I don't complain about that.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to go to Asia.
I want to go and see the Taj Mahal.
The difference is the Taj Mahal didn't
sleep with its boss behindmy back and break my heart.
[door slamming]
Yeah, well, it might if you go to Asia.
[chuckles]
What's her problem?
Probably she's just worriedabout you stumbling blindly
into a doomed relationship,getting badly hurt again,
while at the same time losingthis place and the friendship
you've built up over the past six months.
It clearly means a lot to her.
Because if it didn't, she wouldn't
be so bothered about youremotional well-being.
Get in the car, you big ape.
OK then.
[military snare drum playing]
Now, just be yourself.
OK?
Don't do anything odd.
It's really importantfor me that you get this.
It isn't your fault, Tim.
- It is, Mike. - Isn't.
- Is. - Isn't.
- Is. - Is.
Isn't. Why, you.
Ah, ha!
It is my fault, Mike.
OK, I know we were only little, but I
can still see you up that tree.
[pensive music playing]
Come on.
Bawk, bawk, bawk!
Bawk.
[thud]
[cracking]
If you hadn't of jumped, your retinas
would still be attached.
You'd be in the regular army.
You don't know that, Tim.
Just give it your best shot.
OK?
Aren't you coming with me?
I'm not your dad, Mike. Here's your sandwiches.
I'll pick you up at 5:00.
[military snare drum playing]
MIKE [VOICEOVER]: I'm Andy McNab.
I'm Andie McDowell.
Oh.
Now, Mr. Watt, as you know, we're
here today to ascertain whetheror not you're ready to rejoin
the Territorial Army.
Yes.
And first of all, it's important for us
to establish that you,yourself, understand the reasons
for your original suspension.
I do sir.
Go on.
In 1994, while on weekendmaneuvers in France,
I commandeered a Chieftaintank without the permission
of my immediate superiors.
I then attempted to invade Paris.
However, en route, I stopped offat Disneyland, or Euro Disney,
as it was then called, and was subsequently
apprehended on Space Mountain.
Do you have any explanation as to why
you might have done this?
Well, sir, at the time, I was suffering
serious emotional problems that were
clearly affecting my judgment.
I'd immerse myself in a fantasyworld of my own creation.
And as a result, I became veryinsular and uncommunicative.
And why do you think that was?
[heart beating]
I don't know.
Thanks for the shoes, Daise.
Oh, are you sure you don't want to come, mm?
No. I'd better not.
I've got loads of work to do, you know?
Well, maybe I could--
[door slamming]
[mysterious music playing]
[fight sounds]
DAISY: Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.
ANNOUNCER [ON VIDEO GAME]: Yo.
[sighs heavily]
ANNOUNCER [ON VIDEO GAME]: Do you continue?
8, 7, 6.
I'm gonna pick up Mike from the TA.
Yeah. Right.
What-- what?
Are you meeting Sarah?
Will you get off my back?
I'm not on your back.
But you are.
I-- I can feel you therelike Jabba's little mate.
[screechy laugh]
Why can't you just wish meluck and say have a good time?
I'm not a hypocrite, Tim.
I'm not gonna wish you luck with something
I think could be bad for you.
Well, can't you pretend?
No.
You just don't want me to move out, do you?
What?
TIM: You don't want me to move out.
Is that what you think this is about?
Well, I--
You conceited little shit!
[grunts]
Don't you dare flatter yourselfto think that I would stand
in your way for my own ends.
PAUL PHOENIX [ON VIDEO GAME]: Ah!
For you information, Iwould be sad if you moved out.
But it isn't about me.
[grunts]
I'm your friend, and friends are supposed
to look out for each other.
And I think you're making a mistake.
And if you're too stupidto see that, then someone,
a friend, me, should point it out to you.
[groans]
[thud]
Well, OK.
While we're being friends, maybeI should be a friend to you
and point out to you that you'rejust using my personal problems
as another in a long line of excuses
not to get out your bloodytypewriter and do some work.
[fight noises]
I am not avoiding work.
[grunts]
Oh, right.
OK, well, woo, let's have a party.
[smack]
Ooh, let's do some theater.
NINA WILLIAMS [ON VIDEO GAME]: Ah!
Ooh, let's get a dog. [bam]
Ooh, I spend hours in front of our bedroom
mirror bogling to Aswad!
PAUL PHOENIX [ON VIDEO GAME]: Waa!
That was research.
Well, you just keeptelling yourself that, Daisy.
OK?
But I think I am big enough and ugly enough
to make my own mistakes.
Well, Sarah obviously does.
ANNOUNCER [ON VIDEO GAME]: KO.
Nina Williams wins.
[laughs]
ANNOUNCER: Daisy Steiner wins.
[laughs]
[ominous music playing]
[sighs]
[knocking on door]
MARSHA: Hello?
Oh, hi, Marsha.
Hello.
Are you busy?
Um, well, yes.
I'm working.
But I could do with a breather.
Yeah.
Listen.
I couldn't help overhearingyou and Tim rowing.
Really?
Oh, that's all right.
It was ever so loud.
TIM: Bogling to Aswad.
DAISY: That was research.
Sorry.
MARSHA: That's all right.
Do you want a special vino collapso?
Once again, the fruit of my loins
has fucked off to Top Shopwith the housekeeping.
Well, I'll just have the one.
I just saw that friend of yours, Twit,
leaving with Brian.
What's that all about then?
Oh, they're just goingto an exhibition together.
Is it serious?
Tunde Aragundade.
Bloody hell.
Oh, well, c'est la vie.
Et tu, Brian?
What is going on between you and Brian?
PSYCHIATRIST: This one? - War.
[timer ticking]
This one?
Bombs.
This one?
Guts.
Guns.
Guts and guns.
Butterfly.
Butterfly with a bomb.
Finally, Mr. Watt, how does this make you feel?
Nice.
Welcome back, Mike.
[music - "up where we belong"]
DAISY: You and Brian?
Yeah.
Well, one night he came up here begging
me to let him stay becausehe couldn't pay his rent.
We had a couple of bottlesof duty-free grappa.
Next thing I know, I'm ridinghim like a bitch from hell.
[chokes]
You became lovers.
MARSHA: No.
It was his rent really.
Did he leave a deposit?
Tell you the truth, I'm not sure
how interested he is in women.
"Nice Ass," 1957.
"The Fifth Elephant."
Mm.
Ah, I mean, look at them.
They're all so, you know, really--
Samey.
Yeah.
Exactly.
[marsha laughing]
So, what have you and Tim been rowing about?
He says he wants to move out.
Oh, dear.
Trouble in paradise?
He says I was avoiding work.
Well, are you?
No!
Yes.
Ah, don't worry.
He'll come back.
If he doesn't, are youare going to chuck me out?
No.
I like having you here.
I feel like you've always lived here.
I hope you never leave.
[ECHOING] Never leave.
Never leave.
[MUSIC - ASWAD, "DON'T TURN AROUND"]
[SINGING] Don't turn around 'cause you're
gonna see my heart breaking.
[gasps]
[panting]
Sorry, Marsh, I think I gotta get on some work.
Oh, it's all right, kitten.
I've gotta go and have a lie down anyway.
I'm pissed.
You can tell your friend,Twit, she can have Brian.
His housing benefit's come through anyway.
Ha, ha.
Good night.
Right.
You're coming with me.
[MUSIC - "MURDER, SHE WROTE, THEME"]
This was really inspiring.
Thank you, Brian.
I got you a postcard.
Thanks.
Oh, my favorite.
Well, I suppose I'll see you.
Exhibition on next week.
Sounds good.
Really?
Yes.
Roman Duchamp's Insect Fecal Matter.
Fecal, lovely.
And I was thinking thenafterwards if you, uh, just
might wanna go for a drink?
Yeah, OK!
[MUSIC - FANTASTIC PLASTIC MACHINE, "S'IL VOUS PLAIT"]
[blues music playing]
TIM [VOICEOVER]: I've heldyou in my arms 1,000 times,
closed my eyes and known wewould always be together.
I smiled at you through all your many lies,
unknowing and unthinkingthat eternity would be never.
As distance dulls the memoryand bitter history grows hazy,
I realized my one true loveis, in fact, a girl called--
Hi.
Hi, hi, hi, hey.
Ooh.
[both chuckle]
Your hair looks nice.
Thanks.
I see you're still murderingyours with peroxide.
Uh, don't know what you mean.
I guess we've got a lot to talk about.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess we have.
Paper, paper.
I need more paper.
Paper.
[suspenseful music playing]
[music swells]
[heart-warming piano music]
Hello?
Hi, Daisy.
It's me.
Oh, Tim.
Where are you?
I'm in the pub.
Look, do you fancy a drink?
Um, oh, not really.
Is Sarah still there?
Oh, no.
She's gone.
Oh, I see.
Right.
All right.
Well, you get them in, andI'll see you in a few minutes.
All right, mate?
Hiya.
Huh, wow.
I've been writing.
Have you?
After you left, I just satdown in front of my typewriter,
and it just poured out.
Really?
Yeah.
Um, "Winter Skincare, Dosand Don'ts," "Sex and Food--
The Modern Woman's Addiction," "and
Bogling, Is It the New Tango?"
Wow.
So it was research.
Yeah.
So I'm thinking "Bella" for the first two,
"Observer" for the bogling.
It's probably for the best.[sighs]
Yeah, I know.
And before you say anything,it was my decision.
Really?
Yeah.
She wanted me back, but I said no.
Wow.
I just had a moment of clarity.
You know, I just--
I woke up.
You know?
It's like, you know, when youhave an orgasm on your own.
You know, you're sort oflying on the sofa watching
some porn movie you bought on adrunken, lonely night in Soho.
And-- and your lying there.
And everything is really great.
You know, you're getting totally turned on
by these absurdly graphic images.
Everything seems so right.
You know, and suddenly, [raspberry noise] bingo.
You know, you wake up.
And yet you're lying there sweating,
desperately looking forthe tissue, which you just
know is still in your pocket,and the remote control, which
is somewhere on the floor.
And it's like walking in on yourself, you know?
It's just like, what are you doing?
[chuckles] You know, I mean,that's how I felt tonight,
sitting here, feeling my heart miss a beat
every time the door opened.
You know, the fuck are you doing?
Well, that's love, isn'tit, a load of old wank?
Life just isn't like the movies, is it?
You know?
We're constantly led to believe in resolution,
in the re-establishment of theideal status quo, and it's--
it's just not true.
Happy endings are a myth designed
to make us feel better about the fact
that life is just a thankless struggle.
[MUSIC - "IS YOU IS OR IS YOU AIN'T MY BABY"]
Do you wanna dance?
Do you know what?
I think I do.
[SINGING] Now, I got a womanwho's always late every time
we make a date.
But I love her.
And I want her.
Gonna walk up to her gate.
See if I can get it straight.
'Cause I love her.
I'm gonna ask her.
Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
The way you're acting latelymakes me doubt, yes, it does,
you is still my baby, baby.
It seems my flame inyour heart done gone out.
[maniacal laughter]
Do you really watch porn in the flat?
Uh, only when you're out.
And sometimes when you'reasleep on the bean bag.
Can I borrow some?
Uh, yeah.
Hey!
[SINGING] And when you findthe one you love, she's gone
and made a change.
But is you is or is you ain't my baby?
Maybe baby's found somebody new.
Oh, is my baby still my baby true?